Thursday, April 14, 2005
!
wassup guys! guess who:)
i'm here because i really really need to write about the nationals somewhere, and i dont want to put it on my blog, so i'm putting it HERE.
okay. like to be honest, i used to complain and complain and complain about cross and running and everything.. (bet you know who i am now)
but anyway. nationals this year was a really good experience. i remember that before i stepped up to the line, i was still telling myself that i wouldn't mind being substituted and all that, and looking back now, i'm so glad i ran that day.
i read articles on Ee Ghim and Yvonne, and what i found was that both of them love running, and both of them love the feeling of pushing themselves to the limit. and i felt, who in their right minds would love pushing themselves to their limits?
i really wanted to love pushing myself to my limit too, but i just didn't. i mean, you can't force these things, you either love it or you don't. and for days i tried to find motivation to run, things to keep me going. i searched EVERYWHERE. i even cut out the yvonne newspaper article (which i'm keeping in my 'me' box) and yeah.
so going back to the race. i kept telling myself that all i had to be was MY best and not THE best. and that i've trained. i won't be able to hit yvonne or sophie's timing, but i know i've trained to hit MY timing.
and my goal was to run under 16 minutes, i ran a 16:17 by the way. boy was i disappointed. worse still? i came in 24th. my last chance.
and yeah. so during the race, i just kept going. hey guess what? no horrid thoughts went into my head that day. the acjc supporters were FANTASTIC, they really kept me going. and jen, christine, pin, feli, and christine again were really helpful. screaming their lungs out.
and as i ran, i really wanted to proved most of all to myself what i could do. and even towards the end, i didn't slow down. okay this part would sound pretty dumb but oh well. (this happened at the last stretch where i was sprinting towards the finish line)
i just imagined a conversation with God that went like
"do you trust that i'll keep you safe? i have plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. would you trust in me, and let me show you what you can do with my help?"
and although i suspect that might just be my imagination, that kept me sprinting all the way. so yeah. and now i've kind of changed my views.
before, i was so set on not joining cross in JC. like THIS IS IT. NO MORE TORTURE! but now, i dont think i mind! if i get to ACJC, even better, their cross team's so bonded.
so yeah. when i leave i'll miss all of you. really. i'm so glad that nationals were pushed to april. if nationals were in february, i'd be long gone, and i wouldn't even have gotten to know the sec ones.
well. i shall end here. and maybe i'll add another entry sometime. for now, see you!
-pangsai:)
[ `looked to the heavens for strength ]
9:15 PM
